An Empty Chair at Christmas

When you’ve lost a loved one, every “first” without them can feel excruciating. The first birthday…or Mother’s Day…or Father’s Day. Then there are the holidays.

Heart, RelationshipsDave DeSelmDecember 17, 2024Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, Leadership, grief, loss, holidaysComment

Turning On the VCR

Whether you’re a pastor or a parent, a spouse or a friend, the occasion will arise when you encounter someone going through a difficult time.

Heart, RelationshipsDave DeSelmDecember 3, 2024Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, Leadership, VCR, validate, comfort, redirect, Marcus WarnerComment

Words Create Worlds

I came across a phrase a while ago that has stubbornly stuck with me: Words create worlds.”

Heart, Relationships, DiscipleshipDave DeSelmNovember 19, 2024Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, Leadership, the power of words, words, encouragementComment

Discipling Our Politics

I recently came across an article titled “The Top 10 Problems Facing Pastors Today.” I was not surprised by #1, which was “job-related stress,” or #2, which was “feelings of loneliness and isolation.” I was dismayed, however, at #3.

Discipleship, Relationships, HeartDave DeSelmSeptember 24, 2024Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, Leadership, politics, politics and religion, discipleshipComment

A Fault Forgiven

Tucked away in the book of Proverbs is a verse that is unfamiliar to most of us, but oh so important to grasp. It’s Proverbs 17:9 – “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven but dwelling on it separates close friends.”

Heart, RelationshipsDave DeSelmJune 18, 2024Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, Leadership, forgivenessComment

Triangulation

If you’re a mariner lost at sea, triangulation is a very good thing. It’s a navigational technique that allows you to figure out where you are by measuring the triangle formed by two known points and your unknown point. But in the arena of relationships, triangulation is another thing altogether

Discipleship, Heart, RelationshipsDave DeSelmMay 21, 2024Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, LeadershipComment

The Face of Joy

Back in 2021, as we were emerging from the long, dark season of COVID, I attended a gathering of leaders from my denomination, the first of its kind since the CDC had issued its new facemask guidelines.

Discipleship, Heart, RelationshipsDave DeSelmMay 7, 2024Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, LeadershipComment

Finding God's Appointments in Our Disappointments

I’ve been struck by a consistent theme in the lives of several pastors I’ve spoken to recently. That theme is disappointment.

Skills, Heart, RelationshipsDave DeSelmDecember 14, 2023Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, Leadership, wounds, disappointment, God's appointments, we had hoped, Jeremiah 29:11, sovereignty of GodComment

TMI?

One of the great challenges for pastors is deciding how much of their personal lives to reveal – whether in private conversations or in sermon illustrations. It’s known as “appropriate self-disclosure” and it’s a big deal.

Skills, Heart, RelationshipsDave DeSelmNovember 30, 2023Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, Leadership, vulnerability, appropriate vulnerability, TMI, social media, woundsComment

Spiritual PTSD

inter Gwen and I were privileged to share some extended time with a group of pastors and wives. While we were one of my fellow pastors gave a devotional that I found to be insightful, and I've been thinking about it ever since.

A Model Mentor

Someone who shaped my life in my early years of ministry was the late Dr. Howard Hendricks, professor at Dallas Theological Seminary. I read his books. I listened to his sermons.

Skills, RelationshipsDave DeSelmOctober 24, 2023Everyday Pastor, pastors, leader, leadership, church leaders, leadership development, Howard Hendricks, mentor, mentoring, discipleship, discipling, disciple, disciple-makingComment

The 5 Best Books I Read in 2021

Most pastors I know are inveterate bibliophiles. They know that great books can provide information, inspiration, and illustrations.

Appreciation and Joy

Ever since Thanksgiving, I’ve been pondering an intriguing Scripture verse. Psalm 126:3 reads, “The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy.”

Celebrating Your Wins

Some time back I came across a quote (sorry, but I don’t know where it originated) that really marked me. It read…If you never celebrate your wins, it will seem like you’re always losing.

Letting Church Staff Go

One of the most painful aspects of the post-pandemic church has been its numerical contraction. Attendance is down across the board. And with that, giving is down across the board.

Crockpot Leadership

In his fine book, Canoeing the Mountains, Tod Bolsinger describes the outstanding leadership of Meriwether Lewis and William Clark as they led their Corps of Discovery in search of a northwest passage to the Pacific Ocean

Handling a Toxic Staff Member

Nothing will slow down a growing church faster than a toxic staff member. What makes a person toxic? One definition is that it’s an individual who is unsupportive, negative, or even abusive.

Clarifying Your Staff Culture

The best organizations have a clear sense of culture. The Apple way… the Chik-fil-a way…the Disney way. Having that stated culture sets the bar for expected behavior.