Triangulation
If you’re a mariner lost at sea, triangulation is a very good thing. It’s a navigational technique that allows you to figure out where you are by measuring the triangle formed by two known points and your unknown point.
But in the arena of relationships, triangulation is another thing altogether — and a bad one. This kind of triangulation happens when one person takes an issue or conflict with another person to a third person.
It happens all the time in the workplace where gossip and grousing are part of the “menu” in the lunchroom. Sadly, it also happens in the church. And such triangulation has been accelerated during these difficult last months.
People got crossways with others and, instead of going to the person went behind their back to criticize and complain. The result? Broken relationships and battered fellowships.
This past week I was reminded of another victim of triangulation: the pastor. In speaking with one young leader, he told me of how he had been a victim of triangulation not only by those in his congregation, but those on his church board, and even those on his staff.
He was betrayed by those who claim the name of Christ. But there was another who was betrayed – Christ Himself.
Jesus' Prayer for Unity
Jesus highlighted the importance of unity and what it demonstrated in His great upper room prayer that He offered shortly before His betrayal.
My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. (John 17:20-21)
Notice how the Savior linked unity among His followers to credibility with a watching world. To fail to seek reconciliation sent a clear message: “In this dog-eat-dog world, you people aren’t any different than the rest of us.”
By the same token, to choose to courageously and graciously go to the one who has offended you is a stunning display of an otherworldly commitment to unity.
Jesus gave clear instructions regarding this in Matthew 18. Note how The Message renders vs. 15-17.
“If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him – work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again.”
Taking on the Culture of Triangulation
Let me encourage you to take on this triangulation culture that is so rampant. When offended, commit yourself to honoring Jesus’ call for unity and following Jesus’ method to preserve it. Don’t go to others and vent or complain. Keep the matter between you and God, then you and the other person.
As well, make a second commitment to refuse to participate in someone else’s triangle. If someone comes to you ready to dump their frustration or “concern” about another person, remind them of how Jesus told us to handle these situations.
We have a good track record at pointing out sin on many fronts. But, as it relates to triangulation, all too often we turn a blind eye to it, if not actually participate in it.
Friends, we can do better. We must do better. The unity of our churches is at stake. Moreover, so is our credibility with the world.
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