What Your Non-Christian Neighbors are Looking For

I was quite surprised to read that, according to a recent Gallop poll, 87% of Americans say they believe in God.

This is not to say that they are religious, much less churchgoers. They probably aren’t. Nor that they have a relationship with Jesus. They probably don’t.

The point is that, when it comes to reaching these folks for Christ, nearly 9 out of 10 are predisposed toward matters of faith. They just need someone to help them move further along the spiritual continuum.

87% of Americans say they believe in God. That means nearly 9 out of 10 of our neighbors are predisposed toward matters of faith.

Ready for some more good news? That same poll revealed that more than one in four non-Christians would say they are curious about Christianity and what it could mean for their lives. And among those young adults in their twenties and thirties, the percentage who are curious about Jesus jumps from 26% to 36%.

One in four non-Christians would say they are curious about Christianity and what it could mean for their lives. And among those in their twenties and thirties, the percentage who are curious about Jesus jumps from 26% to 36%.

The challenge is how to engage these individuals. According to research conducted by the Barna Group, there is one quality above all others that non-Christians look for in a person with whom they might talk about spiritual matters.

You might think it would be the ability to answer their questions. Or someone who had the ability to present the gospel in a logical manner.

Listening Without Judgment

Such is not the case. The #1 quality they are looking for is “listens without judgment” (62%).

The sad news is that 2/3 of the people surveyed said that they had no one in their life who would listen to them without judgment. None.

The #1 quality non-Christians are looking for is “listens without judgment"(62%). The sad news is 2/3 of the people surveyed said that they had no one in their life who would listen to them without judgment. None.

The tragedy is that I’m part of that problem.

As I reflect on the majority of my attempts to share the good news, the focus was always on what I had to say. I did most of the talking. And if I did ask a question, it was not so much that I could actually listen, but that I could counter their arguments.

How to Listen Without Judgment

So how might we give our non-Christian neighbors what they are actually looking for?

First, it means that you listen. Really listen. Listening is one of the purest acts of love. Our neighbors desire someone to absorb their experiences, their questions, and their stories – not so you can counter them or comment on them, but so they can process their feelings with a friend.

Our neighbors desire someone to absorb their experiences, their questions, and their stories – not so you can counter them or comment on them, but so they can process their feelings with a friend.

Second, it means that you empathize with what they have to say.
This isn’t to say that you have to agree with their conclusions or buy into their assumptions. You can empathize without agreeing, just like you can be accepting without being affirming.
Comments such as, “I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you” or “I can see why this would be so confusing” or “I know exactly how you feel – I’ve felt that way myself” can go a long way.
Third, you allow for the Spirit of God to trigger a holy curiosity out of this non-judgmental context. This is where both the Lord and our friends need for us to allow for some internal processing.
As we have done our part by being a listening friend, we need to allow God to do His part. He is the One who woos and convicts. We need to allow Him to draw them in.

As we have done our part by being a listening friend, we need to allow God to do His part. He is the One who woos and convicts.

Paying the Relational Rent

We’re told that Jesus was “filled with grace and truth” (John 1:14). As He demonstrated the former, He was given a platform to declare the latter. Consider the woman at the well. It was His radical acceptance and willingness to hear her questions that led to a deeper discussion.

Then there’s the case of Zacchaeus. It was asking to eat in the tax collector’s home and getting to know him (Can you imagine that conversation?) that eventually led to the man’s transformation.

Dave Ferguson calls this “paying the relational rent.” Once you have invested in the relationship by listening to them freely and loving them unconditionally, you might well be given the opportunity to speak with confidence about the difference life with Jesus has made to you.

Once you have invested in the relationship by listening freely and loving unconditionally, you might be given the opportunity to speak with confidence about the difference life with Jesus has made to you.

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