Growing Pains
Most of us are familiar with the term “growing pains.” Physiologically, growing pains are an ache or soreness in the legs that can occur in children between the ages of 3 and 12. There’s no real danger inherent in them. They are just part of the growth process.
However, growing pains have also been associated with some of the emotional or psychological challenges that come with “getting bigger.” When disappointments or hurts arise, we’ll sometimes say to our kids, “I know that hurts but those are some of the growing pains that have to be experienced.”
Churches can experience “growing pains” as well. This past week I met with two young pastors who are facing this. One leads a church that in the past year has grown from 40 to 80. Another leads a church that has grown from 300 to 750.
You would think that such growth would be cause for celebration in these congregations. However, both of these first-time senior pastors shared how perplexed they were that not everyone was celebrating.
Rather, there was grumbling and even complaining about the pains that accompanied the growth. Here’s a sampling:
“The church isn’t as intimate as it used to be. We were once one big family; but now I don’t know everyone.”
“It seems like the pastor is so busy meeting new people that he doesn’t have time to greet me.”
“The parking lot is so jammed that I struggle finding a place to park. And when I do find a place, I have to walk a ways to get to the building.”
“The children’s department is overcrowded, and it takes so long to check my kids in because of so many visitors.”
Some Lessons I Learned
In speaking with these young pastors, I could sense their confusion and frustration. And I shared with them that I had experienced similar growth pains as the church I helped plant grew from 50 to 100 to 300 to 1000 to 2300.
“So how did you handle that?” the men asked me. “How did you make it through those growth pains?
I began by sharing with them a difficult truth. “You won’t be able to hold on to all your people. Some of them simply won’t be able to handle surging growth and will leave to find a church whose size more suits their needs.”
I added, “While that is hard to take, remember that those folks aren’t yours – they are the Lord’s. And if they can best relate to Him and minister for Him in another setting, you need to graciously bless them and let them go.
“And one more thing. Celebrate the fact that there is no net Kingdom loss if they leave your church. At the same time, there is real net Kingdom gain when new people come to faith in your church because you welcomed them.”
I also said this: “People don’t fear change. They fear loss. And you need to acknowledge that. Simply validating their feeling that things aren’t the same can be huge. And knowing you care about that may well satisfy them.”
I then suggested that they use the stories of those who had come to church for the first time or even crossed the line of faith to inspire folks to bear with the growing pains. Something along the lines of, “Because we paid a small price, it paid eternal dividends.”
As the old saying goes, “The only person who likes change is a wet baby.” So, if you’re in a church that’s undergoing some change, recognize that discomfort is normal. But, unlike that baby who makes that discomfort known, show a bit of maturity and consider all the benefits that are possible.
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