Tough Love
"The kisses of an enemy may be profuse, but faithful are the wounds of a friend."
Proverbs 27:6
I have this odd pattern inside of me. When somebody is speaking into my life, if they compliment me, I'm quite ready to hear that. I love hearing in graphic detail how well I’m doing and where I’m growing. It makes me feel so good.
But if they're going to say something that is confrontational about my character, about my need for growth, such “bad news” isn’t nearly as welcome. I would prefer they soften what they say.
Bad news isn’t easy to take.
This reminds me of a story I heard some time back about a man who was traveling in Europe on business. He calls home and asks his wife how everything is going.
She says, "The cat died."
To which he says, "Geesh! Did you have to put that so bluntly? You just ruined my whole trip."
“Well,” she says, “how else would you want me to say it?"
To which he replies, “You could have broken it to me much more gently. When I called in from Paris, you could have said, 'The cat was on the roof, and it fell off, and it's not doing too well.' Then when I got to London, you could have said, 'I had to take the cat into the vet.' Then when I made it to New York, you could have said, 'The cat is not doing well at all.' Then when I got home, you could have told me the cat died. That would have been a lot better."
His wife said, "Okay. Sorry."
He asks, "How's Mom doing?"
"Uh…Mom’s up on the roof."
Faithful Wounds
We may chuckle, but this speaks so pointedly to human nature, doesn’t it? We don’t mind hearing the good news plain and unvarnished. But we want the bad news vague and whitewashed.
The problem is that soft-pedaled truth typically doesn’t get us anywhere. Most of us are either utterly blind to our faults or so prone to denying their severity that vague correction doesn’t work. So we naively and stubbornly continue on our hurtful way.
Soft-pedaled truth typically doesn’t get us anywhere. Most of us are either utterly blind to our faults or so prone to denying their severity that vague correction doesn’t work.
The writer of Proverbs, in his great wisdom, saw through this. He was very familiar with the cost of hearing false praise from an untrustworthy source rather than wise criticism from a trusted one.
"The kisses of an enemy may be profuse, but faithful are the wounds of a friend."
Somebody who tells me what I want to hear all the time…well…perhaps they aren’t quite the friend I thought they were. And when a person does dare to point out a blind spot…maybe, just maybe their tough love is just what I need.
Though hard words might hurt us, they don’t necessarily harm us. In fact, they might well help us…if we’re open to receiving them.
Though hard words might hurt us, they don’t necessarily harm us. In fact, they might well help us…if we’re open to receiving them.
Prayer
Lord, I confess that while I take compliments well, I don’t take criticism nearly as well. I all too often respond with irritation and accusation instead of considering what might be true. Help me to be the kind of friend who receives correction. And help me to have the courage, when needed, to offer it.
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