T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak
Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29
I’ve heard it. You’ve heard it. We’ve all heard it: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Sounds catchy – but of course, it’s a lie. A more accurate rendition might go something like this: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may forever hurt me.”
Words leave wounds. The nicknames we were called as kids – fat, stupid, dumb, ugly – can haunt us many years after they were spoken. Gossip spread can trash a reputation and end up isolating us and alienating us. Words indeed leave wounds.
It’s little wonder that the power of the tongue is a common theme in Scripture.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue... (Proverbs 18:21)
And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. (James 3:6)
Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil… (I Peter 3:10)
To be sure, mockery and snide remarks are things that we as Christ-followers should avoid completely. However, there’s a more subtle abuse of the tongue that we need to be aware of.
Slain By Slander
The apostle James (who devoted much space in his New Testament epistle to the subject of taming the tongue) wrote of it this way: Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. (James 4:11)
The Greek word used here for slander is katalaleo. It literally means, “to talk down.”
Slander is careless, critical, demeaning, derogatory speech directed against others. Similar to gossip, which is “to pass on personal facts,” slander goes a step further. It not only passes on personal facts about another person; but passes them on in such a way that the other person is put down.
Slander impugns another’s character. It smears their reputation. It lowers them in the eyes of others.
This typically takes place in the person’s absence, when they have no opportunity to defend themselves or to challenge the accuracy of the accusation.
The thing is, even if what’s said is correct, our words can still be slanderous. It is very easy to talk about others behind their backs and not think it is wrong because, after all, what you are saying is true.
But there’s a deeper question to be asked beyond, “Is this true?” And that’s, “Is it appropriate to share this at this time, in this way, and with this person?”
Ironically, we seem to innately know that we’re on thin ice when we slander as seen in how we temper our words (or at least attempt to) by saying things like:
“I don’t mean to be critical, but...”
“Perhaps I shouldn’t say this about her, but…”
“Now stop me if I’m wrong, but…”
Then there’s the notorious...
“I thought you might want to know so you could pray...”
We honestly perceive ourselves to be doing nothing more than analyzing or critiquing. Or we think we’re simply exercising discernment. Yet what we say and how we say it and to whom we say it carries little redemptive potential.
Tyron Edwards notes: “The slanderer and the assassin differ only in the weapon they use; with the one it is the dagger, with the other the tongue. The former is worse that the latter, for the last only kills the body, while the other murders the reputation.”
Now, in saying this I don’t mean to imply that there are never occasions when we may need to speak to others about others. The question to be considered is, “Does saying this...will sharing this...be beneficial to both the person talked about and the person talked to?”
If there ever were a verse that could serve as a filter regarding this, it would be Ephesians 4:29: “Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
The challenge we face is not accepting this as truth but in applying this to our lives.
T.H.I.N.K. First
Toward that end, I’d like to give you a very practical tool. A writer named Alan Redpath developed this. He called it his “code of conversation” and before he ever spoke a negative word regarding a person, he ran it through this filter. It’s based on the word “THINK.”
T – Is it true?
Do I absolutely know this is true or is it second- or even third-hand information?
H – Is it helpful?
In saying this at this time to this person, does it really help the situation or am I simply venting or gossiping?
I – Is it inspiring?
Will sharing this inspire us toward Kingdom greatness or will it simply result in clicking our tongues and shaking our heads as we awfulize the situation?
N – Is it necessary?
Is it really essential to God’s redemptive purposes that this be shared or, quite honestly, is it not?
K – Is it kind?
Of all of the “fruit of the Spirit,” I think that kindness is often the most ignored, so make sure that what you’re saying passes the kindness test.
Friends, it’s ever and always been a challenge to tame the tongue. However, in these contentious times, that challenge has been amplified.
In light of that, let me encourage you to T.H.I.N.K. before you speak and make this your prayer: Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! (Psalm 141:3)
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