The Gift You Give Yourself
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:12-13
Christmas. It’s many things: familiar carols, bright lights, seasonal decorations, family gatherings, great food, and special worship services. It’s also the time when we can give gifts to those we love – with the hope that we’ll hear the words, “It’s just what I needed.”
I doubt if your gift list includes yourself, but I’d like to suggest that you add your name. I encourage you to give yourself this gift this Christmas: forgiveness of one who has hurt you.
I encourage you to give yourself this gift this Christmas: forgiveness of one who has hurt you.
There’s not one of us who, if asked, couldn’t identify someone whose words or actions have been deeply scarring. (Maybe you’re living in the backwash of that right now.) And the natural response is to want them to pay. You might see it as a desire for justice to be done. But, if you’re dead honest, it’s really a desire for vengeance. (“You hurt me and so you need to be hurt.”)
Here’s the irony: vengeance is always a losing proposition.
Vengeance is always a losing proposition.
Author Max Lucado recognizes this, calling vengeance “the cocaine of emotions.” He notes how it causes our blood to pump and our energy level to rise. The rush of hurting them numbs our own hurt…for a while. We aren’t the victim anymore.
But then the pain returns. So, as with cocaine, we have to increase the dosage. The progression is predictable: as hurt gives way to hate, we become vengeance junkies, unable to make it through the day without mainlining on bitterness.
There’s only one alternative to these mutually destructive cycles: forgiveness.
No doubt, this is a tough truth to swallow. Forgiveness is in many ways an unnatural act. But while forgiveness may not be the natural response, it’s the healthiest one – physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The Cost of Unforgiveness
Researchers Philip Sinato and Stephen Welch report that those who said they tended to hold grudges reported higher rates of heart disease and cardiac arrest, elevated blood pressure, stomach ulcers, arthritis, back problems, headaches, and chronic pain than those who didn’t share this tendency. To refuse to forgive is costly indeed.
Moreover, beyond paying a heavy physical price, unforgiveness can cost you mentally. One doesn’t nurse a grudge without being regularly reminded of the offense. That being the case, in a sense, you stay chained to the offender and they become a constant, unwelcome, companion.
Finally, there’s a spiritual cost to unforgiveness. Jesus was quite clear on this when He warned that those who refuse to forgive will struggle to experience their own forgiveness. Their relationship with God will be compromised proportionately to their relationship with others.
When you add all of that up, it’s a pretty hefty price tag, wouldn’t you say?
I know…I know…you’re still struggling with this because they don’t deserve to be forgiven. They haven’t even asked for it. And, to be sure, that makes this a challenge.
But remember this. You don’t forgive because the person deserves it. Ultimately you forgive because it’s the smartest thing to do. Mark it well: Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
You don’t forgive because the person deserves it. Mark it well: Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
One more thing. Never forget that God is the righteous Judge. And, in the end, He will set all wrongs right. Until then, why not give yourself the gift that you so need and which you will ultimately so value?
PRAYER
Lord, You know full well what it means to be hurt and betrayed. Yet You chose to forgive and trust the issue of justice to Your Father. Help me to follow Your lead. Moreover, help me to see that it’s not only the right thing to do – it’s the smart thing to do.
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