5 Keys to Becoming A Better Listener
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness and on the quality of your relationships with others.
We listen for all kinds of reasons. For instance:
We listen to obtain information.
We listen to understand.
We listen for enjoyment.
We listen to learn.
In short, we listen A LOT.
Given all the listening we do, you would think we'd be good at it! But truth is, most of us are not. In fact, research suggests that we only remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear.
That means that when you talk to your colleagues, customers, counselees, congregants, or even your spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation.
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions or being presented with information, you aren't hearing the whole message either. You hope the important parts are captured in your 25-50 percent, but what if they're not?
Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving. By becoming a better listener, you can improve your ability to connect and influence. What's more, you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings.
By becoming a better listener, you can improve your ability to connect and influence. What's more, you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings.
Active Listening
The way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." This is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, the complete message being communicated. In order to do this, you must pay attention to the other person very carefully.
You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by whatever else may be going on around you, or by forming counterarguments or preparing your response while the other person is still speaking.
The way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." Listen with your mind, body, words, intuition, and the Holy Spirit.
Here are five practical keys to active listening.
1. Listen with your mind
Put aside distracting thoughts.
Avoid being sidetracked by environmental factors (side conversations or the television).
Give the person your full attention.
Don’t let your mind go to what you’re going to say.
2. Listen with your body.
Offer eye contact.
Smile and use other facial expressions.
Nod in understanding.
3. Listen with your words.
Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like, “I see,” “Uh huh, and Hmm.”
Paraphrase what the person has said: “What I’m hearing is…” or “Sounds like you’re saying…”
Ask clarifying questions: “What do you mean when you say…” or “Is this what you mean?”
4. Listen with your intuition.
Seek out the meaning behind the words. What emotions are being displayed? What is the intensity level?
Consider what is the person not saying. What else could be said that isn’t being said?
Prompt them to go deeper: “Tell me more about that” or “How did that make you feel?” or “Sounds like that really hit you hard.”
5. Listen with the Holy Spirit.
Use spiritual discernment. Ask the Spirit to not only open your ears to hear and the eyes of your understanding to discern.
Ask them what they think the Lord could be saying to them: “What might be His word to you?”
Be sensitive to images or words that come to mind.
At the appropriate time, offer these: “I’m seeing a picture of a little girl standing all alone…” or “The word ‘rejected’ comes to my mind. Does that mean anything to you?”
See if any Scripture comes to mind.
At the appropriate time, share it: “I’m reminded of Jesus’ words, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” or “I’m sensing that the Lord might want to say to you, ‘Be still and know that I am God.”
It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening skills are as bad as those of the majority (like me), you'll need to do a lot of work to break these bad habits.
However, the payback can be huge – in your home, with your friends, and on the job. Good listening allows us to demonstrate that we are paying attention to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of the other person (seeing the world through their eyes).
This is crucial not only for gaining insight but for showing love.
Good listening is crucial not only for gaining insight but for showing love.
The Everyday Pastor Blog is brought to you by our partners.
To support Dave DeSelm Ministries by becoming a partner, CLICK HERE.