The Speck and the Plank
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
Matthew 7:3-5
A pastor named Andy Stanley says that a lot of times when a spouse with a distressed marriage comes in to talk to him, all they can talk about is where the other spouse is at fault, how they blame their partner.
Andy will say, "You know, clearly the person who is the real problem isn't here, so here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to draw a circle, and this circle represents 100 percent of the chaos, 100 percent of the pain in your marriage. I want you to draw whatever part of this pie that represents the part for which you are responsible versus how much is the fault of the other."
They will generally draw a slice about the size of a small wedge, indicating “This is my sliver of blame. This is how much of the problem is due to me.” The larger portion then suggests, “This is them. This is how much of the blame and responsibility is theirs.”
Andy will often say, "Well, since ‘them’ is not here, let's focus on your slice of the pie because this is the only slice on which you can really work."
Here's what's interesting. In almost every case, people cannot do it. They cannot talk about their slice. They keep going back to them, them, them. And, as a result, the counseling session goes nowhere.
Jesus understood this full well. That’s why He said what He did in the verses noted above.
People get so addicted to complaining about the speck in the other person's eye that they can't see the plank in their own. And that’s always a losing proposition.
People get so addicted to complaining about the speck in the other person's eye that they can't see the plank in their own. And that’s always a losing proposition.
To lead with blaming is counter-productive to relational integrity.
On the other hand, to lead with owning – beginning with your own short-comings – can often engender further conversations that might well result in progress toward wholeness.
If nothing else, YOU will be a different person…a different partner…a different parent…a different co-worker.
Beginning with your own short-comings can often engender further conversations that might well result in progress toward wholeness. If nothing else, YOU will be a different person.
If you focus on your part, your life will grow.
With that, your capacity to love will grow. And others might well be drawn to consider their own shortcomings.
So, this week, let me challenge you to say, "I'm going to focus on the plank in my eye and not the speck in somebody else's eye." This week I’m going to give up the practice of straightening out. This week, I’m going to practice taking responsibility for my own life, for my slice of the chaos pie.
You see, the greatest relationship prayer you can pray isn’t, "Lord, change him. Change her. Change them. Change it."
It’s, "Lord, change me. Change my attitude. Change my pattern of negative thinking. Change my sarcasm with my spouse. Change the way I nag at my children. Change my negative attitude at work.”
The greatest relationship prayer you can pray isn’t, “Lord, change them.” It’s “Lord, change me.”
As you do, an amazing change may occur. The bitter pie might well become a better pie. And who wouldn’t enjoy that?
PRAYER
Jesus, I must admit that I’m guilty of focusing on the plank not the speck. All too often my first prayer is, “Straighten them out!” not “Straighten me out!” Help me to own my part of the problem. And, as I do, help them to begin to own their part of the problem. Whether they change or not, at least I can.
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