Mourn With Those Who Mourn
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Romans 12:15
The Apostle Paul commands us to rejoice with those who rejoice – something that most of us are pretty good at. We find vicarious enjoyment in celebrating another’s victory or breakthrough. After all, who doesn’t like a party?
Yet in the same sentence, he also commands something else – to mourn with those who mourn – something we’re not very good at and don’t enjoy nearly as much.
Notice that Paul doesn’t say, “Give advice to those who mourn.” He doesn’t say, “Remind those who mourn that they should triumph in the resurrection rather than give in to sorrow.”
He doesn’t say, “Explain to those who mourn that God always has a good reason for whatever happens, so they should just trust Him.” He doesn’t say, “Fix those who mourn.”
He says, “…mourn with those who mourn” or as the ESV puts it, “weep with those who weep.”
The Comfort of Silence
In his book Killing Giants, Pulling Thorns, Chuck Swindoll tells about a little girl who lost a playmate in death and one day reported to her family that she had gone to comfort the sorrowing mother.
"'What did you say?" asked her father.
"'Nothing,' she replied, 'I just climbed up on her lap and cried with her.'"
Rare is the friend who knows how to weep with those who weep. And who also knows when to be silent.
This was underscored by the late Joe Bayly. Unbelievably he lost not one, not two, but all three of his children at a very young age. Bayly’s book, View from a Hearse contains his reflections on death and grieving.
In it he writes: "I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God's dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly. He said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he'd go away. He finally did.
"Another came and sat beside me. He didn't talk. He didn't ask me leading questions. He just sat beside me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left.
"I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go."
No Longer Alone
When we mourn with others, we share the burden of their sorrows. Nothing has changed. Nothing’s been fixed. Nothing’s been solved – except this: They are no longer alone in their mourning. And that changes everything.
When we mourn with others, we share the burden of their sorrows. Nothing has changed. Nothing’s been fixed. Nothing’s been solved – except this: They are no longer alone in their mourning. And that changes everything.
When we enter into another’s mourning, we become a safe harbor for them. Dinah Craik wrote, “Oh the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”
In the end, this may be the greatest gift we can give.
PRAYER
Dear God, please give me a tender and sensitive heart to hurting and sorrowing people. Help me to be silent when I need to be silent, speak kindly when a tender word is needed, to be a safe harbor when they need to vent their pain, and to weep with those who weep.
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