Learning to Listen
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”
James 1:19
“It is impossible to overemphasize the immense need humans have to be really listened to, to be taken seriously, to be understood. No one can develop freely in this world and find a full life without feeling understood by at least one other person…(Yet) listen to the conversations of our world, between nations as well as those between couples. They are for the most part dialogues of the deaf.”
So wrote Dr. Paul Tournier, the eminent Swiss psychiatrist in his book, To Understand One Another. Penned more than fifty years ago, the work is still considered a classic in the area of interpersonal relationships.
Tournier’s recognition of the importance of learning to listen convicts me to the core. The reason why is that I’m not a good student here. In fact, I have to painfully admit that I talk too much.
To be sure, I’m often the one who’s expected to talk. Indeed, you might say that I talk for a living.
But when I press into this more deeply, there’s a darker side. All too often I talk because I want to quickly dispense advice and move on. Or I talk in order to demonstrate that I have expertise to be displayed or an opinion to be aired.
Even when I pause to allow another to speak, many times while I may hear what they say, I don’t really listen. I’m too busy gathering my thoughts for my next verbal display.
Quick to listen. Slow to speak.
The words noted above from “Mr. Practicality,” the Apostle James, offer some pointed counsel to me. To be quick to listen and slow to speak.
That will require something of me: valuing what another has to say more than what I want to say. This will be revealed by exhibiting some qualities rarely seen. Kindness. Unselfishness. Sensitivity. Tolerance. Patience. Self-control.
Being quick to listen and slow to speak requires valuing what another has to say more than what I want to say.
Learning to listen may be an art, but we have all that is needed to develop that art. Solomon put it well.
The hearing ear and the seeing eye,
The Lord has made them both.
(Proverbs 20:12)
Two ears. Two eyes. And, oh, by the way, one mouth. Maybe that should tell us something. That we should listen twice as much as we speak.
Let me encourage you to grow in this area of listening. With your spouse. Your kids. Your friends. Your students, clients, customers, and patients.
Give them your full attention, engaging with eye contact and nods of understanding. Be an active listener, asking questions and seeking the meaning behind their words.
Who knows? By becoming a practiced listener, you might actually learn something. And when you do speak, you will have a ready audience.
PRAYER
Lord, I recognize that all too often I talk way too much. In so doing, not only do I often reveal my ignorance, I also reveal my insensitivity. Help me to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Show me how taking the time to really hear another is one of the best ways to love them.
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